Feelings
by Flavie
Summary: 1+2,3+4.Heero is troubled by his feelings;his friends are worried and try to help him.But the result is worst!
1. Jealousy...

JEALOUSY   
  
  
Heero was running. To run: it always helped you to forget. To forget the war, to forget the battle, to forget your fear, and more, to forget your feelings. Like your jealousy, to forget Trowa and Quatre - it was because of them that he had to run... but it had got off to a bad start.  
  
Each foot he put on the road, each exhalation, he thought of it. In his head, he again saw the same thing... He had leaned out of the window to call Trowa and Quatre, and there, on the terrace, where a setting sun brought an orange light, he saw... He saw them talking, he saw Trowa smiling, and then he saw him taking Quatre in his arms and kissing him on his blushing cheek. And he saw that kiss again and again and again...  
  
Heero was still running. And the memory of the kiss was still there. Trowa's face as he leaned over, his lips that touched lightly Quatre's cheek, who closed his eyes because of pleasure. What had happened after? Rage. Fury. This strange feeling that gave him stomach cramps, and this pain to his heart. He had banged his fist against the window, and then slammed the door. He had to go. Had to go out of the house… and run.  
  
Now he was here. He had been running for three hours; the sun had been setting for a long time, but for Heero, it still was the twilight, as the time had stopped at that second where a shiver of pleasure had climbed up Quatre's spinal column...  
  
His steps always took him to the same place. And here he stopped, near the wood where Wing was hidden. To go nearer to it was dangerous. He always stopped in this clearing.  
  
He dropped into the grass and contemplated the sky. A sky full of stars. And up there, there were the colonies. Those colonies that were the reason for his presence on Earth, and for Trowa's presence... Trowa who leans over, his lips... Stop it.  
  
  
AND CONSEQUENCES  
  
  
A familiar face. A familiar smile.  
  
"Hi! I was sure to find you here. Quatre told me that you left banging the door. He was worried about you, so I told him I was going to search for you."  
  
"Duo...go away," sighed Heero.  
  
"Mmm, you're happy to see me," Duo said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "That makes me feel so glad, thanks..."  
  
Frowning, Duo watched Heero more closely. He was stretched out on the grass, his eyes blank, fixed on the stars. Every assurance had vanished from his face. He seemed lost.  
  
Duo sat down near him. He placed his hand on Heero's shoulder. At this contact, Heero quivered, grew tense, and then sat straight again. And then he was face to face with Duo.  
  
Duo swallowed, unnerved by Heero's odd behaviour. "You know, if something is wrong, if you need to talk… I know, you're the "perfect soldier" but... well you see what I'm trying to say..."  
  
Heero shivered, his attention on Duo's mouth. His lips formed words that he felt blow over his neck. He was so close that he could feel the warmth of Duo's body.  
  
"You couldn't understand," he said, staring unerringly into the other pilot's violet eyes.  
  
"I can try. Explain."  
  
Duo waited for words that Heero never found. Moving quickly, he caught Duo by the scruff of the neck, holding firmly but gently. Then, without taking his eyes off him, Heero leaned over and put his lips against Duo's.  
  
Heero felt his heart accelerate, and sweet warmth invaded him.  
  
Then he stood up and left suddenly, leaving Duo in total confusion, incapable of moving.  
  
  
  
REACTIONS  
  
  
When Duo came home - to Quatre's house where the pilots were staying, waiting for their new missions - he went directly to Heero's room.  
  
He didn't want to talk with him; in fact he hoped his friend was sleeping. He just wanted to see if Heero was back; his behaviour was more than strange, and Quatre was right to be worried.  
  
He knocked at the door. No answer. Cautiously he half-opened the door.  
  
The bedroom was in darkness. He groped his way to Heero's bed before letting out a sigh of relief. Heero was here, sleeping deeply. He hadn't changed his clothes, and was just stretched on the coverlet, his breathing slow and regular.  
  
"I like him."  
  
Duo listened to his breathing; and when his eyes became accustomed to the darkness, he could see his friend.  
  
In front of him was not the strained and controlled face from before. Before, when... He felt uneasy when his eyes stopped on Heero's lips. On those lips, so soft, and so firm...  
  
Duo made an about-turn and went to his own room soon falling into a confused sleep.  
  
  
When Heero woke up in the morning, he didn't open his eyes immediately.  
  
It was the first night for some weeks he hadn't dreamt of Trowa. His eyelids still closed, he put a hand to his lips.  
  
"Duo... What I have done?" 


	2. Breakfast...

Thanks to everybody for your reviews!You're great!  
  
I would like to thank Tayles one more time:she and her muses are wonderfull with me.I love all of you!Thanks,thanks,thanks!Don't stop writing:my corrections can wait!  
  
ShinigamiCar isn't happy:there isn't Sandrock!!!Poor car...she is a crazy fan too!  
  
  
  
  
BREAKFAST  
  
  
"Tea?" Quatre asked his boyfriend, looking at him and smiling.  
  
"As much as you want," replied Trowa.  
  
Duo opened the door.  
  
"Good morning!" Quatre said, welcoming his friend.  
  
"Hi Quatre," laughed the braided boy, looking at the blond with an amused expression.  
  
"What's so funny?" asked Quatre.  
  
"Your hair! My god, look at you! You look like you've had a pillow fight!"  
  
Quatre glanced at Trowa, blushing.  
  
Duo sat down, missing the exchanged glance. "Wow! Trowa, you look tired too! You've had a funny night, haven't you?"  
  
The Heavyarms pilot turned his head to Duo and machined gun him with his look.  
  
"Shinigami, shut up or I..."  
  
He was interrupted by the sound of the door. Heero entered.  
  
Silence.  
  
All their looks turned to him.  
  
Seeing the general embarrassment, Quatre, in his happiest voice, said, "Morning. Do you want a coffee? Or tea? Maybe just milk?"  
  
"No... No thank you. I...am not hungry. It's ok. I...I..."  
  
Without finishing his sentence he turned back and left the kitchen.  
  
  
LUNCH  
  
  
He was walking. The town was living around him, without him.  
  
"You have to live by your feelings." A voice in his head. A voice of the past.  
  
It seemed easy enough; but you had to know what your feelings were first. And Heero didn't know that. He didn't know what he wanted. What did he feel for Trowa? And, more importantly, what did he feel for Duo?  
  
Thinking about Duo… he felt embarrassed. He didn't know what had happened the night before. The jealousy had made him crazy. Duo...his lips are so soft... he felt embarrassment...and maybe...desire... No! It couldn't be that! He just felt angry. Because of Trowa, because of Duo, because of feelings, because of himself. Anger. Fury.  
  
And hunger. He hadn't had breakfast, and his stomach was protesting. He needed a place to eat.  
Return to home... No, he couldn't do that. He didn't want to meet Duo.  
  
A hand on his shoulder.  
  
A black eyed boy. A Chinese face, never smiling.  
  
"Wufei?"  
  
Wufei never spent a lot of time with the others pilots. He came regularly, stayed a few days, and left. It had been two weeks since anybody had seen him.  
  
"I have our new instructions."  
  
"Wh ...what?"  
  
"Come on. We are going to eat something."  
  
A few minutes later, in an obscure corner of a café.  
  
"Why don't they send the instructions as usual?" Heero didn't understand.  
  
"OZ is searching for them. They are staying together in a hidden place; it didn't take long for me to find them. They gave me the instructions. It will be an important mission."  
  
Wufei brought his coffee cup to his lips. Heero looked him, waiting.  
  
"Trowa and Quatre are going to go to the base XV9; you and Duo to the base YV21; and I will hit the base X11-7. We are going to destroy these three bases at the same time and..."  
  
Heero nodded, interrupting Wufei. "Yes, I understand. These bases are Central Telecommunications Bases. When we destroy them, communications are going to be stopped between all the bases in the vicinity."  
  
"Exactly. And after we've destroyed the CTB, we are going to have to destroy the others bases in the area."  
  
"Hn. But why we do we have to form a team?" Heero frowned at the thought of working in close conditions with the long haired boy that plagued his thoughts. "It is not necessary. I'm going to work alone."  
  
Wufei shook his head sharply. "No. You can't."  
  
Heero clenched his teeth, scowling at the Chinese boy, impatiently awaiting an explanation.  
  
"The CTB XV9 andYV21 are isolated bases. You have to have two people: one person destroys the CTB itself while the other goes to another base. The soldier who destroys the CTB hasn't got the time to go to another base. It is very simple, Yuy."  
  
"And for the X11-7?"  
  
"There's three new bases near it. I have time to go to it and time to destroy it."  
  
"Hn."  
  
Wufei leaned back in his chair as Heero thought. After a long moment of thoughtful silence he prompted the Wing pilot.  
  
"So?"  
  
Heero raised cobalt eyes to the Chinese boy. He was going to regret this, he just knew it… "Mission accepted."  
  
The Chinese boy gave a brief smile as he finished his coffee. He looked at Heero in silence for a moment before setting his cup down.  
  
"Heero?"  
  
"Hn?"  
  
"There was somebody I once loved. I didn't spend a lot of time with her… Now, she is dead."  
  
Heero looked him, surprised and not understanding this sudden quiet admission.  
  
"A persons life is like a butterfly; so beautiful, but so fleeting. Think about that. Don't waste what time you have."  
  
Wufei stood up, turning away as he left. Leaving Heero confused and troubled, and fighting with conflicting feelings. His eyes followed the Chinese boy's shadow as he disappeared.  
  
  
DINNER  
  
  
He couldn't stay out forever; he had to go home. And he had to see the others.  
  
"Do not waste your time." An echo in his head. "A person's life is like a butterfly...so fleeting." A persons life. Duo's life. And Trowa's life.  
  
Trowa. Duo. Wufei's words were scratched his heart. Pain. Death. Wufei's words were true, especially for soldiers. No. He didn't want to think about death. He was the perfect soldier, after all.  
  
He opened the door. The living room was light and warm. He heard Quatre's clear laugh. And an American voice.  
  
"Hey! Heero! We're waiting for you! Dinner is ready! And Wufei is here! And he has got our new instructions. There will be action! I'm glad: I was bored with this wait. Weren't you?"  
  
"Hn."  
  
Duo looked at Heero, smiled, and went to the kitchen.  
  
"Heero, come on!" Quatre's voice.  
  
During dinner Wufei gave them the instructions. Heero was eating silently, looking at his plate. The Chinese boy finished:  
  
"So, I'm going to leave tomorrow. Quatre and Trowa, you should leave in two days. Heero and Duo, you stay here. The CTB operation is going to start in five days, at midnight. Any questions?"  
  
The Heavyarms' pilot looked at the Chinese boy.  
  
"Yes. During the mission we can't contact the other pilots, can we? To communicate is to say where we are; and where we attack. OZ won't communicate, but will be able to listen. And to send reinforcements."  
  
Wufei, paused in his meal, thinking. "Mm…Yes, that's true. So the co-ordination has to be essential."  
  
Heero saw Quatre look intensely at his boyfriend. The blonde's eyes showed fear. Not fear for his life. Just fear of losing Trowa.  
  
"Life is fleeting...like butterfly." A voice in Heero's head. He turned his head to Duo, and looked him.  
The braided boy caught his look and smiled. The perfect soldier stood up:  
  
"Don't worry, Quatre."  
  
He fixed his gaze on the blonde's worried blue eyes.  
  
"Twenty-four hours after the beginning of this mission, everybody will be here, in this kitchen. It's going to be okay."  
  
All looks were turned to him when he left the kitchen. Before he closed the door, he heard a clear voice say softly:  
  
"Thank you, Heero". 


	3. Preparations...

PREPARATIONS  
  
  
Warmth on his cheek. He could see the sunlight through his eyelids. A ray of the sun had passed between the two curtains.  
  
Heero opened his eyes. He sat down on the edge of the bed, shaking his head to wake up. Then, he went to the kitchen.  
  
Quatre and Duo were talking. Without a word, Heero took a mug, poured himself a coffee and sat down.  
  
"You're so talkative in the morning," said Duo, grinning over his own coffee mug. "Hey, Yuy, we've got to stay two days together, so I hope you're going to be more nice to me."  
  
"Hn."  
  
Quatre looked between the two, not understanding. "Why?"  
  
"Because the Perfect Soldier here doesn't know how to cook! So if he wants to eat..."  
  
Quatre laughed into his teacup. "You could teach him!"  
  
"Mmm… Maybe, if he is extra nice to me..."   
  
Heero didn't listen to the rest of their conversation. He was too obsessed by five words. Five little words scratched to his heart.  
  
"Do not waste your time." But what he could do? "Do not waste your time." But...? "Do not waste your time."  
  
Suddenly, he knew what to do. Not exactly, but... he knew what his feelings wanted. He interrupted the two boys,  
  
"Where's Trowa?"  
  
Quatre turned his head to him, smiling as usual.  
  
"He is in his room. He is doing the preparations for the mission."  
  
Heero stood up and left the kitchen.  
  
  
  
He stopped in front of Trowa's door. "Do not waste your time." He opened the door.  
  
"Heero?"  
  
The tall boy looked at him, surprised. Heero stood in the doorway.  
  
"Hello. What...what are you doing?"  
  
"It is just the preparations."  
  
"Hn."  
  
Trowa left his preparations to focus on Heero. Their eyes met for a long moment. The silence became embarrassing. Heero looked down.  
  
"Well... you... you have to finish your preparations; I'm going to... finish my breakfast."  
  
Heero turned back.  
  
"Wait."  
  
It was Trowa's voice.  
  
"Hn?"  
  
"Heero... why are you here? Why?"  
  
Heero, with his back to Trowa, closed his eyes and clenched his fists as he said, "I... I... I don't know."  
  
Suddenly, a hand on his shoulder forced him to turn back; and to face to the beautiful tall boy. Green eyes hypnotised him. He just felt the contact of this hand on his shoulder; five long, thin, but strong fingers. An unfamiliar warmth invaded him.  
  
"Heero, what's happened? You're so... different lately..."  
  
Heero felt the hand moving to the nape of his neck. Trowa's face was so close to him...  
  
"...Heero, if anything is wrong, I'm here and the others are here too. We are friends, aren't we? Quatre is worried, you know, he..."  
  
Quatre. That name resonated in his head. Quatre. Quatre... Heero tried to smile to Trowa, who smiled too.  
  
Then he turned back.  
  
  
  
DEPARTURE  
  
  
Heero passed the kitchen door. He heard Quatre and Duo who were talking.  
  
"We are going to leave during the night, like Wufei did. It 's wiser."  
  
"Yes! Gundams are not the most discreet transport..."  
  
Heero went directly in his room. He sat down in front of his computer, holding his head in his hands. Work. He needed to work. He was the Perfect Soldier... he tried to be the perfect soldier. Work. Work. Work.  
  
He worked for five hours. And finally for the first time since the beginning of the Operation, he fell asleep working. He dreamt of a green-eyed boy. He dreamt of a thin and long hand poised on his shoulder.  
  
A hand on his shoulder. A distant voice: "Heero... Heero." Suddenly  
  
"HEY! Heero Yuy! Wake up!"  
  
Heero started. It was not the beautiful tall boy. A low growl came from his throat.  
  
"D...Duo?! What...what are you doing in my room?"  
  
Duo shook his head at Heero's grumpy words. "Quatre and Trowa are leaving. They want to see you before their departure. Come on!"  
  
Heero stood up, looking at his computer, which had been stopped automatically. He followed Duo to the living room. Quatre and Trowa were waiting.  
  
Quatre beamed up at him as he entered the room. "Heero! You're awake! I didn't want to leave before seeing you!"  
  
He went to the perfect soldier and took his hand.  
  
"In three days we will be eating here together again. You promised. I will see you in three days."  
  
Then the little blond went to Duo. They left the room talking.  
  
Trowa was in the opposite corner of the room. He was looking at Heero. The perfect soldier went to him.  
  
"So... good luck, Trowa."  
  
He held out his hand to the tall boy. Trowa took his hand, and, without warning, pulled Heero to him, passing his other arm around his friend's shoulders. They stayed like that for a few seconds, seeming like hours for Heero, who was too surprised to move.  
  
"Everything is going to be okay, Heero. You're the perfect soldier, aren't you?"  
  
Heero heard another voice in his head; "Life...is...so...fleeting."  
  
He was suddenly aware that he could lose the green-eyed boy. He felt tears in his eyes, and closed them.  
  
"Trowa...I..."  
  
"Don't worry, Heero..."  
  
A soft kiss on his cheek; and a moment later when he finally opened his eyes, Trowa had gone.  
  
  
  
ALONE  
  
  
When Duo came back to the living room Heero was sitting on the sofa. Duo threw himself next to the Wing pilot and grinned.  
  
"They've gone! We're completely alone! We've got all of the house to ourselves! It's great! We're going to have fun, aren't we?"  
  
No answer. Not even any "Hn". Heero gaze was empty, totally lost and disappointed. He seemed so strange. Duo frowned and touched Heero's arm gently.  
  
He asked softly, "Are you okay?"  
  
Heero seemed wake up from a dream. He turned his head to Duo with a confused frown. "You said something?"  
  
"Yes. I want to know when are we going to prepare our mission...but I'm tired. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"  
  
"Yes." Heero looked away from the worried eyes of the self-proclaimed Shinigami. "I am tired too. Good night Duo."  
  
Heero stood up and went to his bedroom. Duo sat silently in the living room, thinking.   
  
'He seems to need some sleep. I don't understand what's happening. Something's not right with Heero. Quatre had good reason to tell Wufei to leave Heero with me for the mission. Alone, he could do something dangerous. I don't want to see him self-destruct again. I'm attached to him and the others too. He is so strange...I hope this mission is going to make him feel better...'  
  
He left the living room and moved upstairs to bed. As he lay down, without wanting to, Duo began to think back to a kiss, a kiss a few nights ago... 


	4. Questions...

Tayles,thank you,thank you,thank you for your great work!  
D3,Allenby and Nataku,I love you!Continue to inspire Tayles!  
  
And thank to all my reviewers!  
To Relwarc:Mmh...I don't hate 1+3!But...no I'm not going to tell you what's going to happen...  
Read it!  
To Pat:Il y a un G-boy que tu n'aimes pas?!On dirait pas...T'inquiète,je les aime tous aussi!!!  
To Shinigami Illusion:You want to know what's happen when you let Duo and Heero in the same house totally alone...So go on!  
  
  
  
  
QUESTIONS  
  
  
Heero couldn't sleep; stretched on his bed, his eyes closed, he tried. But flashes, words and ideas turned in his head.  
  
The beautiful, green-eyed boy. Life is so fleeting. Quatre and Trowa's kiss. His nice braided friend. Duo's lips. Trowa's lips. Do not waste your time.  
  
All the moments of the last few days turned and turned in his head, again and again. He couldn't stop it.  
  
Trowa. He was so attracted to the tall boy. He was so calm, so mysterious. His so perfect and so long but muscular body. His hands. His smile, his voice, his lips. His eyes, those green eyes that hypnotised the Perfect Soldier.  
  
But there was Quatre.  
  
Bloody blond!  
  
Angry.  
  
Fury.  
  
In fact, just jealousy. If only he could hate Quatre; but the clear voiced boy was so nice to him - and to everybody - and he was his friend.  
  
Mmm. He called them 'friends'. It seemed so strange to think that. Friends. His friends.  
  
And now, all his friends had left - maybe he was going to lose them - all except the braided boy who slept in the bedroom next to his own.  
  
Duo. He was nice. He hadn't mentioned the kiss of the other day. Maybe he didn't want to embarrass Heero. Did he think of the kiss? Heero thought of it often.  
  
Could the Perfect Soldier have friends? He needed to be able to concentrate. He needed to be able to kill anybody. He couldn't have feelings; he couldn't! But...if he had no feelings...was he even human?  
  
No. No. He was nothing more than a war machine. Nothing more. No emotions. No sensations. No feelings.  
  
'You have to live by your feelings'. The past voice in his head. He trusted in this voice. It was someone like him. Someone who just had to obey the order, like him. Someone who couldn't decide his own life, like him. Someone who had been manipulated, like him. Manipulated until his death.  
  
'You have to live by your feelings'.  
  
He wasn't able to have feelings.  
  
Well then, what was it he felt on his cheek, then on his lips? It was moist, salty. It was...tears?  
  
  
  
DOUBTS  
  
  
3:00 a.m.  
  
Heero...  
  
Impossible to sleep. Duo woke up and went to the kitchen to get a drink. Passing in front of the living room door he saw a light. He ventured in and peered round the door.  
  
"Heero?"  
  
Heero was stretched on the sofa, seemingly in sleep, blanketed in a red quilt. In the mantle the fire was sleeping too, burned down to embers. For the second time Duo looked at his friend as he slept. He sat down near the sofa, on the floor, face to face with Heero.  
  
"You're so nice when you're sleeping. You seem happy and serene...yes, serene. I've never known what is happening in your head; but for a few days you've been so troubled...I can feel it..."  
  
He pulled up the red cover on Heero's shoulders.  
  
"I like you, Heero...You're my friend."  
  
Duo stood up, about to leave, when a strong hand caught his arm.  
  
"Stay."  
  
Duo whirled round in surprise. He hadn't thought Heero had heard him! "What?!"  
  
"Don't leave...Please..."  
  
"You...you weren't asleep?"  
  
"Please...sit down."  
  
A pressure on Duo's arm. Duo sat down. Face to face. The fire's meagre lights played in Heero's eyes. Shadows caused Duo's perfect features to stand out even more. A murmur. "Am...am I your friend?"  
  
Duo didn't understand at first. "Wh...Oh! Yes, of course you're my friend. But..."  
  
"And you? Are you my friend?"  
  
"Of course! But you know that. Why are you asking me? We're all friends: Quatre, Trowa, Wufei..."  
  
"Oh..."  
  
Heero didn't tell Duo what he was thinking. Duo just considered him an ordinary friend...not like Trowa considered Quatre...  
  
"What does your 'Oh...' mean Heero?" Duo was looking at him, knowing something, violet eyes glowing in the darkness.  
  
"Nothing. Forget it."  
  
Then he let go of Duo's arm, turned back on the sofa and pretended to sleep. Without a word, Duo left.  
  
And Heero dreamt about a green-eyed boy.  
  
  
  
  
He woke up at first light. The sky was violet, and all the trees in Quatre's garden were black because of the retreating shadows of the night. In the horizon, a purple light, and under it, the pink first rays. He loved this moment of the day. It was his favourite. During the daybreak, there's one moment, one short moment, where all was perfect: light and shadow were equal.  
  
A fresh breeze caressed his face. He murmured to the wind, as it would answer him, "Trowa...I miss you. Where are you now?"  
  
He knew the answer to his own question. Trowa was with Quatre in XV9. Maybe he was in Quatre's arms, maybe... These ideas made him angry. And they hurt.  
  
XV9, X11-7andYV21... The mission. He had to concentrate. He couldn't think of himself. Or of his life. Of his miserable life...He had no life. He was the Perfect Soldier. A bright voice dragged him away from his sad thoughts.  
  
"Heero Yuy, your breakfast is ready!"  
  
Heero turned back sharply, surprised to see a playful Duo, a dish towel put over his arm, like a butler. He seemed so ridiculous like that, his braid trailing on the floor...Heero looked him, without saying anything.  
  
When the braided boy stood up straight, he was face to face with Heero. Heero who was smiling. Smiling!  
  
Duo felt strange. His friend's eyes were searching his own. What was this feeling inside him? A sort of joy, uncontrollable.  
  
Looking the Perfect Soldier in eyes, he murmured, "I like you when you're smiling."  
  
A sudden shiver ran through Heero. Warmth. Desire. Panic.  
  
Duo felt their disquiet. He stepped back and continued his little performance, not wanting to show his own trouble.  
  
"If you want to follow me to your table..." Another ridiculous gesture, showing the direction to the kitchen, hiding the blush on his cheeks.  
  
Repressing his violent feelings, Heero went to the breakfast.  
  
Later, he was looking at the coffee in his cup, silent.  
  
Duo didn't want to sit and face his attractive fr... his friend. Things could wait. In the kitchen, the tension was evident.  
  
"Well...what are we going to do today?"  
  
Heero didn't answer immediately...he couldn't stay with Duo, he couldn't stay near his perfect body, he couldn't stay...he was attracted to the braided boy. It was visible. His own body betrayed his feelings...He couldn't stand that. He had to go away.  
  
"Mmm, I've some reparations to do on the Wing. It may take me a lot of time so don't wait for me for lunch."  
  
Duo didn't answer. Heero drank his cup in one mouthful and left immediately. He was going to close the kitchen's door, then stopped.  
  
"Duo?"  
  
"Y...yes?"  
  
"Thank you."  
  
He saw Duo's incredulous face.  
  
"For the breakfast...and for everything."  
  
The door closed.  
  
  
  
ANSWERS  
  
  
  
He was sitting in his Gundam. The Wing didn't need any repairs. He'd been here for five hours, in his Mobile Suit. He was reassured by this place. He was born to pilot.  
  
But this time he hadn't come here to pilot. He just wanted to think; to try to find a solution, an answer, anything that could help him.  
  
He felt tired because of all that had happened in the last few days. He would like to fall asleep and never wake up. Or just a few hours of sleep without dreams. Without the green-eyed boy; without the braided boy. Without voices in his head, without fear. Without doubts, without questions. With just one answer.  
  
He held his knees in his arms and closed his eyes. Curled up in the Mobile Suit, feeling protected, he fell asleep.  
  
Duo was working in the garden. Tonight he had to prepare his mission with Heero. Heero...he liked him so much. He didn't understand what had happened this morning. Maybe it was just embarrassment...or surprise. It was true that Heero was the "Perfect Soldier": he'd never shown his feelings, he 'd never spoken a lot, and he never smiled. So this morning, the situation was so strange...it could explain the embarrassment. It had always been hard to stay alone with Heero.  
  
Heero woke up as the sun disappeared. He opened his eyes. An answer. The sky was bloody in colour as the sun set.  
  
Blood, war, death. And no feelings.  
  
That was his life.  
  
It was the answer.  
  
He had a mission. He was going to do it. After that, he was going to wait for another mission. There was no place for feelings.  
  
Always the same things.  
  
Blood, war, death. Blood, war...death. His past was bloody; his future would be bloody.  
  
He couldn't have feelings.  
  
He was the Perfect Soldier. Blood, war, death.  
  
He had to prepare his mission. He had to return home.  
  
  
Duo was in the kitchen. He had done the cooking. He had placed their plates near the living room's desk. There were a lot of papers and diagrams and cards. They needed to work hard.  
  
He waited for Heero.  
  
The night was here before him. The braided boy set a fire in the hearth.  
  
When Heero came back, all was ready.  
  
The Perfect Soldier opened the door, sat down and began to eat, reading some of the papers on the table. Any words. Any look for his friend. He had a mission. Blood, war, death.  
  
"Heero?"  
  
Seeing Heero's coldness Duo felt hurt. And worried.  
  
'Another "crisis", he thought. Why did I leave him alone? Now it is worse.'  
  
He sat down in front of Heero. Any reactions. He went behind Heero and put his hands under Heero's shoulders.  
  
At this contact, Heero stopped moving. He stopped thinking. His feelings took possession of him.  
  
"Hey, Heero! Are you okay?"  
  
He just felt Duo's presence, behind him. His friend's presence. Duo. His friend.  
  
He stood up, looked deep into Duo's violet eyes.  
  
He pushed the chair from between them.  
  
"Hee...Heero?"  
  
Duo's hand fell from Heero's shoulders but Heero just raised his finger to Duo's lips. With his other hand, he caressed his hair, his cheek, his neck...  
  
The braided boy felt panic and desire invade him. Heero's lips touched his own. It was so soft...his body became warm, his heart accelerated...  
  
His voice was a murmur when he finally said, "Pl... please Heero, stop that!"  
  
He would try to stop the beautiful Japanese boy himself but his body didn't obey. He was a toy between Heero's hands. Which were caressing his back; he felt lips on his neck. And he felt his knees gave way.  
He fell slowly to the carpet, accompanied by Heero's body.  
  
"Heero...what are you doing? I'm just your friend..."  
  
Heero's face was over his face. Heero's eyes were so profound, so beautiful...  
  
"Heero...I do not...I do not... want you."  
  
Finishing his phrase, he took Heero's face between his hand and brought it to his lips. He felt Heero's warm body, he felt Heero's hands on his body, he felt Heero's lips on his lips, he felt Heero's tongue caressing his mouth, softly, so softly.  
  
He was totally abandoned to the dark haired boy.  
  
When Heero stopped his caresses and his kisses, he stayed against Duo's body. Without a word, Duo caught the red cover and wrapped them both in it. He took his friend in his arms, and Heero cuddled up to him.  
  
The fire died. Heero listened to Duo's breath. He was asleep. The Perfect Soldier closed his eyes. Before he fell asleep he thought  
  
"I've lived by my feelings." 


End file.
